The mentally strongest have four powerful habits in particular that typify their fortitude and that foreshadow future success. Emulate them by doing these four things.
1. Don’t lose sight of your anchor.
It’s easy, especially in times of change, to lose sight of your core, your most closely held values. Remembering your values in times of adversity is a source of strength, resolve, and perspective, and keeps you grounded. Values are those little things we do each day that exemplify who we are. They’re the daily little impressions that leave a huge permanent impression.
2. Resist pummeling yourself with disempowering self-talk.
Everyone on the planet at least occasionally fires up the engines of self-criticism. It’s the mentally strong who catch it immediately and cut off the fuel lines. It’s not hard to fall into a pattern of pummeling yourself with negative self-talk, a downward spiraling of limiting thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. We often don’t realize we’re doing it and even when we do we still can’t help ourselves. It’s like we can’t give away our power fast enough.
3. Don’t fall victim to comparison.
I teach not falling into this trap and I still fall into this trap–when I compare myself with something or someone who doesn’t matter, and it makes me feel lesser than. Sometimes, the enemy is the internal me. But to regain my mental fortitude, I quickly recall that the only comparison that matters is with who I was yesterday and whether or not I’m becoming a better version of myself.
4. Strive for authenticity versus approval.
When we seek approval, we’re seeking external validation, which is an empty victory at best and soul crushing at worst. When we seek approval, we worry about what the universe wants and thinks–especially if we’re people-pleasers (something I still struggle with).But when you seek authenticity, you don’t worry about the universe, you worry about the “youniverse,” meaning you know that you self-determine your self-worth. What you’re worth, how you’re valued, is based primarily on how you view it. You worry about living up to your standards, not someone else’s.
Here’s a powerful tip to help you do that: Live by the 90:10 rule. This represents a ratio of 90 to 10, a formula for how to calculate your worth, which is to say it should be based on 90 percent self-worth, 10 percent assigned worth. How you feel about yourself should flow dominantly (90 percent) from your own self-acceptance and self-appreciation. Purists might not agree with allotting 10 percent for external validation, but I’m a realist. Becoming completely callous to the occasional signal that you’re valued and loved is unrealistic. That said, you get into trouble when you focus more on winning love, rather than giving love. And don’t confuse winning love with having personal worth, they’re not the same, so treat that external validation for what it is, 10 percent of the equation. So flex your mental strength by forging these four habits. The likelihood that success follows is strong.